Is it fair that I am not getting the supportive side of planning my wedding? Lengthy details…?
February 242010
I broke down while watching "Say To The Dress" tonight. I just feel like, throughout the past 6 months of planning (it’s almost been 7) I have yet to feel that moment/period where everyone is like, "Yay, I am so happy and excited for you!"…my parents are wish-y washy, even though they LOVE the man I am going to be with…but one day they care about the plans…but after 15 mins they get annoyed and mad that I’m "going on about it." But here is the thing…how am I suppose to catch them up on a month’s worth of info (including what money they are paying out and where it is going…) in a few minutes?
I’m on a tight budget, trying to keep it not much over $5,000, but for the research and site searching I have done it might seem more like a $10,000 wedding because I have been resourceful. I just feel like no one is interested in this hard work, yet expecting it to be one hell of a perfect day. I mean, my fiance thinks he’s been interested and helpful, but he has done little of planning other than setting me up with a caterer he knows through work. My so called ‘bridesmaids’ almost bother me worse. They never bring up the wedding (I try not to as well, mostly because I am afraid that maybe they aren’t interested and if they get ‘overwhelmed I won’t have any. They are the types of girls that have never been in a real wedding and don’t think they have to do anything. I don’t even know if they would take the wedding rehearsal seriously. I’m not asking for much other than their commitment to those two days and buying a dress. I would like an occasional, "Hey, how is the planning going, is there anything small I could help with?" but I don’t want to push it.) I mean…I just feel like, if anything I deserve at least a little bit of the happy before the date and giddy talks with the girls…maybe a crying mom and dad thinking about how beautiful I am going to be. I mean, maybe I am thinking of a fairy tale story that doesn’t come true. I know there will be no bridal shower, bachelorette party, unless I plan that too…and I’m all for a backyard party with a few drinks…
All I want is to feel special and truly enjoy this time of my life and share it with friends and family. "Say Yes To The Dress" made me ball because there were all these supportive individuals to the brides. I had to take my fiance dress shopping because everyone else made excuses…and I bought ’said’ dress because it was too painful doing it by myself.
I’m obviously emotional and probably due my period…but I almost feel like I should list something silly on Ebay in order to find people that would stand in for supportive roles through the next 4 months.
I guess I’m just have a bad day, but I really feel like I’ve missed out on what this wedding is suppose to be about. It’s like, the wedding is going to have to be great because everything leading up to it has been me coming up with ideas, venues, making decorations, me planning, me trying to be subtle about time-lines and deadlines…
Thanks for listening, if anyone actually read this whole thing. I guess I have used it a therapeutic counseling session.
To be honest honey, It actually seems like you need a huge hug. I’m annoyed at the people in your life that haven’t been supportive of how hard you’ve been working because I know what it feels like not to be appreciated.
I’d suggest talking to your fiancée about how you’ve been feeling and ask him to help out a bit more, and, to be fair, if your bridesmaids are going to get "overwhelmed" if they at least help you pick out the perfect shoes then I don’t really think they’re the type you want at your wedding. You deserve much more help than this, and if you’re resorting to yahoo answers then you really need some support.
When your fiancée comes home you should cry on his shoulder and talk to him about just how hard it is, and talk to all the people that you think should be more supportive and ask them for help.
I hope I’ve helped you, I know I’m pretty much a novice but I think I would do this if it were me.
Good luck on your wedding, Congratulations
xx
Agony Aunt at your service
February 24th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Your friends and parents (especially your mother!) should let you talk about it and they should at least feign interest/excitement in response. I’m sorry that’s not the case. And you definitely, definitely, should not have been alone during your dress shopping session. While the fiance was there, I am tsk-tsk’ing your mother and maids for not being present.
Work on getting your fiance to support you and listen to you more. Of all the characters that aren’t supporting you during this time, he is the one I’m most concerned about. Perhaps if you explained what you’re feeling and exactly what you need him to do, he’ll do it? I think he will. It’s always best to be very explicit to men regarding your expectations.
Best of luck! I wish you well and hope things turn around! If not, try to make your own happiness and not dwell on the bad too much. There are many things to be grateful for. Just look around and see!
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February 24th, 2010 at 3:35 pm
To be honest honey, It actually seems like you need a huge hug. I’m annoyed at the people in your life that haven’t been supportive of how hard you’ve been working because I know what it feels like not to be appreciated.
I’d suggest talking to your fiancée about how you’ve been feeling and ask him to help out a bit more, and, to be fair, if your bridesmaids are going to get "overwhelmed" if they at least help you pick out the perfect shoes then I don’t really think they’re the type you want at your wedding. You deserve much more help than this, and if you’re resorting to yahoo answers then you really need some support.
When your fiancée comes home you should cry on his shoulder and talk to him about just how hard it is, and talk to all the people that you think should be more supportive and ask them for help.
I hope I’ve helped you, I know I’m pretty much a novice but I think I would do this if it were me.
Good luck on your wedding, Congratulations
xx
Agony Aunt at your service
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February 24th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
I hear ya.
My mother doesn’t talk to me about this stuff at all because she thinks we’ll never have money to have a wedding. His parents probably won’t know until we are positive we can afford one.
I have lost touch with 97% of my "friends" due to losing a job. My best friend moved across the US and i haven’t seen her in 6 years. I can’t ask her to help, shes got 2 kids and enough problems.
I’m seriously the only person planning anything. I feel like hiring a planner just so i can have another female to talk to about this stuff, lol.
Maybe you can get a 1 day a month "wedding update" together if all of your bridesmaids live nearby? Then when the wedding date gets closer you can have maybe 2 a month just to make sure they know what’s going on.
I’ve never been in a wedding either but if someone asked me to go help them pick out a dress, i would. You should yell at them after the wedding, lol.
And a thumbs up for Wise Agony Aunt.
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February 24th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
you deserve better!
emotional or not – you should have the support of your friends and family – you shouldn’t have to dress shop with your fiance – he shouldn’t even see it yet!
you are not asking too much – i wish i could support you!
you need to tell them they’re not being there for you – maybe write it down – it could help for them to see what they are doing to you and not be able to interrupt you when you’re trying to talk to them
good luck
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February 24th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
im soo sorry you are feeling like that because im kind of feeling that way too!
im 6 months away from my wedding & sometimes i just feel no interest on planning it!
your bridemaids are being selfish because they are suppose to cheer you up & help you organize the wedding!!
you can always just have your maid of honor & drop the other bridesmaids you don’t need them!
if they are just going to make you feel that way then you shouldn’t have to deal with it because its going to be YOUR day & you need to be happy because planning a wedding is a lot of stress i can only imagine how it would feel to be ignored by my own bridesmaids!
your parents are being unfair too ! they should be there for you!
as to your fiance
you should talk to him & tell him how important it is for him to help you out atleast to give you his opinion
just think that once you have YOUR day! you’ll feel better & everything you went through will have been worth it!
& don’t matter what others think & how perfect your wedding is aslong as you & and your fiance have fun & it goes perfect for you two then you shouldn’t worry who you are pleasing or not
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February 24th, 2010 at 5:02 pm
this should be an exciting time for you. most mothers enjoy planning a wedding with their daughter. have you considered talking to your parents and bridesmaids and tell them how you feel. alot of people dont offer their help because they dont want to sound to pushy. also i dont know anything about your bridesmaids but if they aren’t married yet they might be alittle jealous of you and alittle upset that your getting married before them. but if everyone around you isn’t completely excited for this wedding and dont think your ready to get married you might want to listen to them. suprisingly parents know alot and can tell if a marriage will work or not. especially if your parents are married and never been divorced. you might listen to their advice about holding off alittle longer.
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