Comments on: Can someone edit this mess for me? http://www.abortoterapeutico.org/therapeutic-agents/can-someone-edit-this-mess-for-me Wed, 12 May 2010 06:52:59 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: felliax http://www.abortoterapeutico.org/therapeutic-agents/can-someone-edit-this-mess-for-me/comment-page-1#comment-1357 felliax Fri, 26 Feb 2010 19:34:59 +0000 http://www.abortoterapeutico.org/therapeutic-agents/can-someone-edit-this-mess-for-me#comment-1357 Don't start sentences with "And." Comma after "world." The forth sentence isn't clear. Replacing the first "and" with because I or something similar would make it better. "He or she" is awkward, change the sentence so you can use they instead. I personally don't like "very much." "It is educational" because. Not as. This sentence is also a run on, and you might want to break it up. No dash between "African" and "Americans," and "Authors" should be lowercase. The meaning of this sentence isn't clear. You're saying you like to read books that mention The Vampire Chronicles and books by African Americans. Storyline is one word, and no "to them." Break up the second sentence so you don't have to use "which." No comma. Is not, not isn't. No contractions in a formal essay. Maybe use since, instead of "because." No contractions again. I'd get rid of "who is." No dash in African American. The second sentence is a run on. I'd break it up at "who was." Comma after "people in his life." Comma after "Vampire Chronicles" You need a positive word after "executed." "I like" them. Not "it" Phrases like "two and two together" are too informal for a formal essay, but it depends what teacher you are writing for. The last sentence is another run on. The "that" needs to be and. <br><b>References : </b><br> Don’t start sentences with "And."
Comma after "world."
The forth sentence isn’t clear. Replacing the first "and" with because I or something similar would make it better.
"He or she" is awkward, change the sentence so you can use they instead.
I personally don’t like "very much."
"It is educational" because. Not as. This sentence is also a run on, and you might want to break it up.
No dash between "African" and "Americans," and "Authors" should be lowercase. The meaning of this sentence isn’t clear. You’re saying you like to read books that mention The Vampire Chronicles and books by African Americans.

Storyline is one word, and no "to them."
Break up the second sentence so you don’t have to use "which." No comma.

Is not, not isn’t. No contractions in a formal essay.
Maybe use since, instead of "because."
No contractions again.

I’d get rid of "who is."
No dash in African American.
The second sentence is a run on. I’d break it up at "who was."
Comma after "people in his life."
Comma after "Vampire Chronicles"
You need a positive word after "executed."

"I like" them. Not "it"
Phrases like "two and two together" are too informal for a formal essay, but it depends what teacher you are writing for.
The last sentence is another run on. The "that" needs to be and.

References :

]]> By: Shannon C http://www.abortoterapeutico.org/therapeutic-agents/can-someone-edit-this-mess-for-me/comment-page-1#comment-1356 Shannon C Fri, 26 Feb 2010 18:45:59 +0000 http://www.abortoterapeutico.org/therapeutic-agents/can-someone-edit-this-mess-for-me#comment-1356 WOW lol i like books were i feel like im in the story like im a character and suspense were u dont know whats gonna happen next :D<br><b>References : </b><br> WOW lol i like books were i feel like im in the story like im a character and suspense were u dont know whats gonna happen next :D
References :

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